Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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