I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
