I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
