well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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