what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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