...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
