I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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