420 ftw
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
