a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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