Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
