my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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