I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
