i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
