You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
