sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
