weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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