Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
