Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
