I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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