So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
