I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Come on in and take your pants off
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