My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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