No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Pooping to opera.
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