Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
