I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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