1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You can't special order awesome
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
