Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
