You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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