You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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