I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize