I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
