Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
