Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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