Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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