never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize