is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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