perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
