Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
