Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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