well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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