he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
