the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
