Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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