there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
