Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
