Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize