it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
