he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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