im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
