I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
