i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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