I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i believe in u and ur pee
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