you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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