I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize