Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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