Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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