I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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