I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
