I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
