I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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