Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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