he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
