just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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