They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
