Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
