Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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