Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
