But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
