I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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