I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
