So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found puke in my bra..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
