so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
