I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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