I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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