so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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