I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He passed out mid-signature
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
