I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
