life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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