dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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